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The Art of Anger Management

The Art of Anger Management

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Anger is very natural emotion that comes out when someone is tired, stressed, sleep deprived or reacting to criticisms, arguments, ego issues and so on. Psychologist Charles Spielberger defines Anger in simplest way - "Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage”.

In fact anger is never an objectionable quality as it is a natural process. However, at the same time, it can become disastrous in one’s life if it is not properly managed. So it is important to ask questions such as - what makes a person better even with anger, how one should deal with his/her anger and how one can maintain clam in crisis situations.

Being angry will make us behave irrational and unreasonable which will in turn affect our effective way of communication. Anger has ability to override all the skill set which one possesses. Our confidence will be also at toss when we are angry and also it will impair your judgment ability and have a negative impact on the way people see.

All the time we can’t gain control over situation, what is in our hand is our response to situation. Since anger is very natural instinct we can neither ignore nor suppress it, all we can do is to put healthier means in place to manage any sort of upset. One has to strongly accept the fact that it’s not the situation will kill us, but it’s our reaction that kills us. This one has to practise rigorously to put anger in control.

To put in practise the techniques of anger management we first have to understand the root, i.e., what is anger and what is its cause? This type of approach can have a healthier impact on the relationships. When anger is out of control, it affects our mental and physical health and also hurts career prospects along with relationships with near and dear ones.

Only by practice, we can control our anger and behave in our best.

Managing anger requires-

  1. Knowing what is reason behind your anger. ( like Compromising / difference in opinion)
  2. Express your objection in more healthier way
  3. Always avoid people, places and situations which will bring out worst in you
  4. Work on your own tips to get calm down
  5. Be good tempered

Psychology of Anger
Anger is attention seeker. If a person is angry and another person is not paying attention nor acknowledging it, then it will boost ones anger. So when we know that other person is angry it is advisable that we attend the issue and try solving the problem. We should be more cautious when we know that we are reason for another person’s anger. In such case other person is right; we should apologise and also need to assure him/her that we don’t repeat such mistakes. When we are angry we behave more bossy. So we should always keep in mind what we are doing while we are angry and shall be in a position to control it at our will. Never do anything which you will make you regret once you are cool down.

Physiological Aspect of anger
Knowing the symptoms of anger help us either in controlling or understanding other person anger state-

  • Breathing faster
  • Headache
  • Knots in stomach
  • Clenching of your hands or jaw
  • Feeling clammy or flushed
  • Cheeks turning red
  • Having trouble in concentrating
  • Tensing your shoulders
  • You rub your face frequently
  • Trembling or shaking lips, hands
  • Becoming rude and losing sense of humour
  • Talking louder
  • You develop cravings for things that you think may relax you: tobacco, sugar, alcohol, drugs, comfort food, etc.

Emotional Symptoms of Anger

  • A desire to ‘run away’ from the situation.
  • Irritation.
  • Feeling sad or depressed.
  • Felling guilty or resentful.
  • Anxiety, feeling anxious can manifest in many different ways.

Negative thought that trigger your temper

  1. Rushing with thoughts and conclusions
  2. Things that upset you
  3. Blaming
  4. Generalizing
    Examples: ‘He will NEVER understand me’. ‘I NEVER get the love I deserve’.

Anger Management at Work Place
At work place, it is to be understood that we will be subjected to pressure with deadlines running to meet targets. This process can raise more chances mistakes to pop in, which irks the superiors who would make us know their irritation which in turn triggers anger in us.

When you do a mistake never blame others, as you are the barer of our own acts. When you are angry you assume so many things and behave accordingly, which in true sense are not acceptable. When you assume things ignoring other’s perspective, that will be the starting point of your trouble.

When you are angry, try to be specific about the reason you are angry about. At work place we need to accept few facts like someone know little more than you or we may be lagging in some concepts. At times you may be ruffled by others idiotic behaviour too despite your perfect approach. If these two cases get ruled out, hitting of others ego could be factor which can cause anger for no reason. Few techniques that can come handy in your work place are -

  • Try to be sportive in work place. Always try to make yourself better. Don’t ever concentrate on other achievements.
  • Work for your accomplishments.
  • Many a time, a frank discussion would solve the problem. Master the manners of frank talking so that you don’t have to express yourself angrily.
  • You need to accept issue as it is than flavouring it with your thought.
  • Never respond defensively, as it reflects the fact that you are wrong and someone else is right.
  • It is advisable to clarify your questions. You can but forward your assumptions and ask for their view. By doing so you can get detailed explanation.Negotiation comes into picture when your expectations are well explained.
  • Whenever you need an advice, it is better go for it keeping out your ego and even if the advice triggers anger in you stay calm until your anger goes off.

Cause of Anger in Relationship
Unless and until anger is expressed we can’t be normal. Especially in case of relationship, it suppressed anger becomes a big volcano. So, it is always advisable to sort out the things with open discussion. However, one must be able to forgive and forget things that are not so essential. Arguing and wining a situation is not important, strengthening relationship should always be the high priority.

Three main aspects everyone in a relationship to understand and work on are:

  1. Unmet Expectations: When expectations are not met, you may have your own assumptions and keep them unexpressed; it will not work. In order to your expectation to be fulfilled, you must let other person to know your thoughts, so it is always important to communicate your expectations. Also don’t always blame others for disappointing you, try to see the reasons of the disappointment before you respond.
  2. Be Time Bound: When you say you will get back to other person in a minute, do get back to him/her in a minute. Always try to be time bound. Don’t make others waiting for half an hour or days together. This kind of behaviour shows that you are taking others for granted.
  3. Acknowledge: When you know someone is disappointed or hurt because didn’t match up to their expectations, it is really important to acknowledge that. Never behave in a manner which shows that you’re ignoring small things. Taking care of small things by acknowledging them helps in bonding the relationship stronger.
    If you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" starts complaining about your activities; don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. Try to be more expressive that will help you in better way of understanding each other.

Anger & Self-Management Techniques

  1. Breathe Slowly and Relax. Breathing exercises can help you to relax and slow your heart rate to more normal levels.
  2. Avoid inappropriate sarcasm. Little bit of humour can change your mood.
  3. Sleep is an important part of life and good quality sleep can help combat many physical, mental and emotional problems, including anger. Please note that everybody is different so one may need more sleep compared to other.
  4. Avoid conversation when you’re tired, stressed, sleep deprived.

If you vehemently want to approach apex of ladder, then mind should be kept cool like ICE and speech should be kept mesmerizing like sweets.

Remember: Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy. - Aristotle

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